Bling Back The Decadence Please

Since rock stars have turned into humble, worthy, macro-biotic-eating pussies in the last decade or so, the voyeuristic music fan has come to rely on the world of hippity-hop for a much needed fix of decadence and indulgence. Gone are the days of cocaine-stacked Lear jets staffed by midgets dressed as the seven dwarves (a favourite of Elton John), or dressing rooms with wall paper you could taste like in Willy Wonka (Meatloaf), but we were assured that a severe lack of taste was still alive and well in the music industry when we clocked Missy Elliott's leopardskin Cadillac sofa on Cribs. Giving us something to scoff at and secretly covet.

However, the last year or so, change has been afoot in the materialistic landscape of hip-hop.

Clearly, no one buys CDs any more...apart from as presents for nans and aunts and even then it's more likely to be Michael Ball - 'Show Stoppers' rather than Ludacris – 'Chicken and Beer'. This must have taken a chunk out of the huge advances rappers love to brag about. Also, with the price of copper alloy shooting up, Jay-Z has been reluctant to add any further acts to his label – clearly worried he's obliged to buy them a shiny medallion to celebrate or risk losing face. When hip-hop gets credit crunched we know it's serious. Even P.Diddy has been put off by extortionate fuel prices; his week long yacht parties less frequent as of late. Worryingly, there seem to be less videos with semi-clad chicks in too (“videos hos” I believe is the correct term) – those girls must be expensive.
 
I say, the pay out for US banks should be matched $ for $ by a subsidy on oversized clothing, gold teeth and stretched 'lacs. Our kids need heroes, something to aspire to. The day when those heroes aren't clad in gold lamé tracksuits and sipping on Courvesoir is a sad day indeed. Kanye West isn't helping matters – since he started wearing clothes that a) fit and b) are mildly smart, he's been hailed as a fashion icon and spawned a clutch of imitators more attracted to tweed than terry towelling. We need LL Cool J and Fat Joe (actually, is he dead?) to get back in the social conscience. They should be held up as shining examples by Gordon Brown - the economy needs their overspending and indulgence to get back on its feet – think of it like this; if we all bought just one bottle of Cristal on our way home it would be a start. Just one bottle. Those blimmin' Children In Need can forget it for this year...

Bling Rappers: