Captain America (1990) - A warning to Chris Evans. Captain America's been here before, and it was so bad, the whole planet entered a state of voluntary amnesia, wiping this ripe turd of a film from our collective consciousness until, twenty years later, a lone man walking his dog along Morecambe Bay uncovered it lying in a ditch, asking how it's box office is doing in comparisson to Back To The Future III. He didn't have the heart to tell it the truth, so smashed its head in with a lead pipe. It was the kindest thing to do.

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