Returning to reality after Glasto is never easy
Andrew Trendell

14:36 2nd July 2013

I know, right? Today has been one hell of a struggle as the attempt to adjust back to reality seems impossible by one of the most challenging conditions that has ever faced mankind: The Post-Glastonbury Blues.

Scholars and scientists have struggled for decades to find a cure. Rumour has it that they've been performing sick tests on monkeys in underground labs by force-feeding them bags of wine while playing The Rolling Stones, whispering Daft Punk rumours and shouting 'Alan' for days on end before re-releasing them into the wild. A lot of good scientists died that day. 

While we don't have the cure and can't even begin to help you sort your life out, what we can do is run through the 17 tell-tale symptoms that you are afflicted with the Post-Glastonbury Blues. It's science. 

1. You end every other sentence with 'YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN'


2. You find yourself listening to 'Glastonbury Girl' by Rolling Stones, despite the fact that it's shit


3. You wear your sunburn like a badge of honour
Photo by supermanthe1st

4. You can't ever see yourself ever cutting off your wristband

Photo by kirean_newman


5. You haven't played Candy Crush for five days. You only have time for BBC Glasto coverage


6....and when you do watch it, you adopt the foetal position and scream "TAKE ME BAACK"


7. Your first drink today was not a warm cider. This felt unnatural.


8. You can't stay awake for longer than five minutes. The waking realisation that you're not still at Glastonbury pains you, almost to tears.


9. You become overwhelmed with an almighty fury anytime anyone who wasn't there criticises some Glasto footage online


10. You've never experienced a freedom quite like the sensation of not needing to wear wellies today


11. You can't contemplate the idea of going to work. It feels like going to the moon


12. You may not realise it just yet, but all of your Facebook friends and Instagram followers despise you


13. You almost spoke to a total stranger on the train to work because they were also wearing a Glasto wristband


14. Meals seem surreal and alien if they are not eaten from a polystyrene box or bread wrapped in a napkin


15. You still hold your breath when going to the toilet (even though you don't need to)


16. You've been invited on a night out, but decline because it doesn't look like this:


17. You now consider this normal:

Photo: WENN/Tumblr/Instagram/Lucy Bridger