'Not so much a clash as a total and utter pile up' - our future headache unpicked
Cai Trefor
17:42 30th May 2017

The full line-up and stage times have been announced for this Glastonbury Festival and that can only mean one thing – nightmare band clashes!

Will it be the Park Stage or the Pyramid Stage on Friday night? The West Holts stage or The Other Stage on Saturday afternoon? Or will you simply be lying face down in the mud? To add to your consternation – or help you plan for the best – here are Gigwise’s 10 worst Glastonbury clashes. The rest is up to you…

Radiohead (Friday, Pyramid, 21.30 – 23.45) v The Flaming Lips (Friday, Park Stage, 22.45 – 00.15)

Conceivably, you could do both but only if you’re prepared to tramp your way through the inevitable crowds at the Pyramid Stage, past The Other Stage and then walking uphill to the Park Stage. On a Friday night. In an altered state of consciousness. Hmm. It’s not going to happen, is it? Which is a shame as this is the 20th anniversary of Radiohead’s 1997 appearance at the festival and The Flaming Lips don’t do duff gigs. Decisions, decisions…

Ride (Friday, John Peel Stage, 18.10 – 19.00) v Kate Tempest (Friday, West Holts, 17.45 – 18.45)

Oh dear! Who to choose? Do you go for reformed shoegaze pioneers Ride who are arguably on better form than they were first time around or the whip-smart and socially conscious world view of Kate Tempest?

Lorde (Friday, Other Stage, 20.45 – 21.45) v Sleaford Mods (Friday, Park Stage, 21.00 – 22.00)

On the surface of things it’s all a bit chalk and cheese but both acts have something special to offer. Lorde was hailed by the late David Bowie as the “future of music” and her return to the UK is bound to be memorable. On the other hand, Sleaford Mods’ confrontational presentation is likely to go down well after a few pints.

The National (Saturday, Pyramid Stage, 19.45 – 20.45) v Songhoy Blues (Park Stage, 19.45 – 21.00)

A tough one, this. It’s Saturday night and you’re up for a party but who to choose to get you in the mood for the rest of the night and well into Sunday morning? The mumbled songs of The National or the exuberant desert blues of Songhoy Blues? Yep, that’s a real tough decision…

Run The Jewels (Saturday, Pyramid Stage, 16.15 – 17.15) v Kaiser Chiefs (Saturday, Other Stage, 16.15 – 17.15)

One of the best and most exciting rap acts on the face of the planet up against a talent show host and his band. When it boils down to the bare essentials, Run The Jewels have more to say about the here and now than Kaiser Chiefs but the decision is all yours…

British Sea Power (Saturday, Other Stage, 13.15 – 14.15) v The Moonlandingz (Saturday, The Park Stage, 13.30 – 14.30)

Saturday lunchtime and it’s the day after the night before. Your head’s going to be a bit fuzzy and your mouth will be replicating the Gobi desert so where to go? The upbeat and rousing sounds of British Sea Power or the psychedelia of The Moonlandingz? Or maybe an afternoon sleeping it all off in the tent?

Sasha & John Digwood (Saturday, The Glade, 21.25 – 00.25) v Fatboy Slim (Saturday, Sonic, 23.00 – 00.30)

Not so much a clash as a total and utter pile up. The legendary pairing of progressive house DJs Sasha & John Digweed would usually brook no competition but hey, it’s Fatboy Slim. But y’know, it’s Sasha & Digweed on a Saturday night and Fatboy Slim is there every year…

King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard (Sunday, John Peel Stage, 14.30 – 15.30) v Laura Marling (Sunday, Pyramid Stage, 14.15 – 15.15)

This one really will be down to your energy levels after several days of excess. If you can summon up the energy then the neo-psychedelia of King Gizzard & The Lizard will be just the ticket. Should you be in a delicate frame of mind, you’ll find Laura Marling to be the act for you.

Chic (Sunday, Pyramid Stage, 17.45 – 18.45) v Haim (Sunday, The Other Stage, 17.35 – 18.25)

What to go for? A Sunday teatime set of some of the most glorious dance music ever written courtesy of the legendary Nile Rodgers and Chic, or the gurning, gossamer-light pop of Haim? We think we all know the answer to that one…

Josefin Öhrn + The Liberation (Sunday, The Glade, 21.05 – 22.05) v Ani DiFranco (Sunday, Acoustic Stage, 21.30 – 23.00)

Pitching the neo-krautrock of Sweden’s Josefin Öhrn + The Liberation against feminist icon and folk-rock extraordinaire Ani DiFranco isn’t the easiest of decisions. It’s possible to see both but that’s going to involve an awful lot of walking.