If you already know who Poppy is then good for you, skim down to the video near the bottom, oh look, you actually don’t know jack shit, welcome back.
For the rest of us; Poppy conventionally introduces herself on YouTube and Instagram and suchlike with a wry ‘I’m from the internet!’ – and she’s only half joking.
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Like, okay, she’s probably a real person (from Boston, if Wikipedia is to be believed), but could just as plausibly be an AI fever dream.
Exhibit A: here’s her most popular video, with 17 million views and counting:
Look at her. So flawless as to be nigh-on futuristic, like Khaleesi from Game Of Thrones, or the nice young lady from that ‘what you see/what she sees’ meme.
Anywhoo, she’s got an album out, entitled Am I A Girl?, in a totes-on-brand flourish. The record has a tune on it produced by Diplo and another featuring Grimes, so she’s kind of a big deal, whether she actually exists or not.
The last tune is called, wait for it, ‘X’, and it goes a little something like this:
I know, I know.
It’s a masterpiece. So much packed in – the legit death metal, the retro-horror shoutouts, the note-perfect peace and love hippy interludes. And all – get this! – ringing it at a lean-and-mean sub-three minutes
It’s her Bohemian Rhapsody. High art for the Ritalin generation. Not for nothing are serious grown-up commentators describing her as the ‘Andy Warhol of the YouTube era’.
Anyway, off you pop to spend the rest of your shift gawping baffled at her Instagram like everybody else.