The Donald Trumps of EDM elevate cynicism to an art form
Julian Marszalek
13:00 19th November 2018

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As one of the finest purveyors of music that removes sexiness, danger and groove in favour of outright sexism, bland safety and prosaic beats for those who find downtown a little too edgy after teatime, The Chainsmokers have done their best to weather the critical slings and arrows that have been raining upon them.

So much so, that should an alien in outer space observe the sheer volume of streams that they’ve generated across platforms such as YouTube and Spotify, they’d be forgiven for thinking that The Chainsmokers were true musical innovators instead of their position of dance music’s populist equivalent to Donald Trump.

And like the current leader of the free world, The Chainsmokers are given to dubious pronouncements and an output based on the lowest common denominator. So to find the EDM pair giving a nod to Baltimore psych-shoegaze duo Beach House  in their new single, the imaginatively-titled 'Beach House', is a bit like Trump endorsing CNN as a worthy and reputable news source.

Because yeah, you can really picture these EDM bros kicking back and slapping on a copy of Thank Your Lucky Stars in the wee, small hours after a hard shift of spinning bangin’ bollocks to the masses. Who knows, maybe it’ll even influence them to move into the arena of ambient house and chilled out vibes designed to soundtrack those moments when another hit from the bong might be a good idea because some kip is needed? But it won’t, will it? At all.

Truth be told, ‘Beach House’ is collection of teeth-grinding and arse-clenching platitudes and second-rate chat up lines that would get you laughed out of Love Island and force-fed through an autotuner just to give it that added dimension of utterly meaningless toss. Give it a spin, laugh yourself daft and then quietly admire The Chainsmokers’ ability to generate traffic by winding up Beach House fans.

Christ, they’re fucking evil, aren’t they?

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Photo: Press