Intimacy is so much more than just sexual intercourse. It’s also an emotional closeness with someone else. It can help you feel safe, understood, and fulfilled in your life. Unfortunately, many couples see intimacy take a dive after the age of 40. Underlying reasons such as physical changes, emotional stressors, and even falling into day-to-day routines are all common challenges we face as women.

If you struggle to maintain intimate relationships after 40, please know you’re not alone.

Many people go through these ups and downs in their mid-lives and beyond. Fortunately, there are things you can do to rekindle that old spark. Here are a few suggestions for staying connected, comfortable, and confident as you navigate intimacy after 40.

Common Intimacy Challenges After 40

Intimacy can be divided into three broad categories: emotional, physical, and intellectual.

Emotional intimacy is the closeness and connection you feel on a deep, personal level. Physical intimacy refers to all forms of loving physical touch, which includes everything from foot rubs to back scratching to sexual intercourse. Intellectual intimacy occurs when you’re comfortable sharing your interests, knowledge, dreams, and ideas with another person.

Ideally, you and your partner feel close in all three areas of intimacy. But perhaps you’ve noticed an increasing strain developing between you as you grow older. This is a common occurrence in life and impacts countless couples. Here are some of the common causes of intimacy challenges after the age of 40.

Physical changes

The human body goes through a lot of physical changes during various stages of life. This is especially true for females, whose hormones fluctuate significantly during monthly menstrual cycles, pregnancy, perimenopause, and menopause.

Hormone changes can have a profound impact on mood, sexual desire, confidence, and stress levels. You can’t prevent your hormones from changing throughout your life. However, you can take steps to address some of the symptoms associated with plummeting sex hormone levels.

For example, hormone replacement therapy may be a viable treatment option for those with imbalanced hormones. This treatment comes with its own set of undesirable symptoms, so it’s important to consult with your healthcare provider about whether it’s right for you. If hormone changes are causing your vagina to feel dry and irritated, try using a vaginal moisturizer. Keeping your vagina properly hydrated can make sexual intimacy more enjoyable for both you and your partner, while also having a positive effect on your health and sense of well-being.

Emotional Stressors

A midlife crisis is a tumultuous period marked by emotional agitation. Not everyone experiences it, but for those who do, it typically occurs between the ages of 40 and 60 years old. That’s because these years often come with feelings of regret, dissatisfaction, and increasing stress. The human body also goes through marked changes in midlife, which may exacerbate emotional distress.

Whether you’re regretting your career choice or watching fat accumulation around your midsection with dismay, emotional stress can be an intimacy killer. You may also worry about your children and the choices they’re making in their lives. All that pressure can cause you to distance yourself from the person you should lean on the most—your intimate partner.

Falling Into a Routine

Sometimes, intimacy after 40 simply fades away because it’s not nurtured or given the attention it requires. It’s easy to fall into predictable routines during the different stages of life. For example, in your 40s, your daily routine may look something like this:

• Get up
• Eat breakfast and get ready for the day
• Go to work
• Run errands
• Return home and tidy up the house
• Fix and eat dinner
• Go to bed

As people age, they tend to become more set in their ways. If anything breaks up their regular routine, it may feel unsettling to them. Therefore, they’re less likely to push off bedtime to indulge in physical intimacy with their partner. To keep intimacy alive as you age, you must be willing to switch up your routine to nurture a connection with your partner.

How to Maintain Intimacy After 40

Although it’s commonplace for intimacy to take a backseat after 40, that doesn’t mean it’s inevitable. With consistent effort, you and your partner can keep your relationship rock-solid through all the phases of life. Here are a few suggestions for keeping the physical and emotional spark alive after 40.

Engage in Playful, Stress-Free Sex

Physical intimacy may be more challenging due to hormonal and physical changes in both male and female bodies after 40. Women may need more foreplay to kindle desire, while men may need more aggressive physical attention. Fears and insecurities about underperforming can cause sex to become stressful and less enjoyable.

Instead of worrying so much about what might go wrong during your sexual escapades, remove all pressure from the situation. Talk to each other about letting go of expectations and engaging in playful, stress-free sex. Commit to enjoying your time with each other, even if your encounter doesn’t result in a mind-blowing climax every time. As you let go of fear and expectations, you’ll be able to feel a deeper trust and appreciation for each other.

Focus on Emotional Closeness

As physical abilities begin to decline with age, it becomes even more important to nurture emotional closeness with your partner. Honest communication is crucial for achieving this goal. Take time each day to ask about your partner’s day and truly listen. Be vulnerable and share your emotions, even if doing so feels uncomfortable.

If you and your partner struggle with emotional intimacy later in life, consider working with an intimacy coach. They can help you identify and gently remove emotional barriers. They can also give you tools to improve communication and enhance your emotional connection.

Conclusion

Life after 40 inevitably comes with challenges. However, you’ll be able to face those challenges with more resilience if you take time to understand your body and give yourself grace as things arise. Use these suggestions to stay comfortable and confident in yourself and connected with your partner.