Where's our Pulitzer?
Jessie Atkinson
13:04 23rd September 2021

A lot of songs are about sex. Like, a LOT. But do you ever listen to a track and think 'wow, this bastard was really horny when they wrote this'? Okay, you've probably thought that a lot too. But which of the great many horny songs that exist in the world are the most horny of all? 

Let's take a look:

‘Let’s Get It On’ by Marvin Gaye

Hear the opening wah-pedal notes of this classic within an album of them from 1973 and experience a Pavlovian response that immediately makes you horny. Points for soundtracking Dr. Evil and Frau Farbissina's sex scene in Austin Powers.


‘Closer’ by Nine Inch Nails

No one has ever been as horny as Trent Reznor was when he wrote 'Closer'. 


‘My Neck My Back’ by Khia

An absolute classic in nasty hip-hop. Much imitated but never matched.

‘9Pm (Till I Come)’ by ATB

More orgasm noises make their way into this late '90s dance hit which went to Number One in the UK and added a little more bending guitar euphemism to the dancefloors of the world.


‘You Sexy Thing’ by Hot Chocolate

To play anything on a key-tar—or make it sound as though it has been—is to give yourself away immediately as a thoroughly horny individual. Points for using the word "sextasy" and for being used in the film The Full Monty. 


‘Relax’ by Frankie Goes To Hollywood

"When you wanna come—come!"


‘Do I Wanna Know’ by Arctic Monkeys

Much of Arctic Monkey's global-icon-making album AM sounds as if it were written with a bottle of KY jelly nearby, but the slinking guitar and rhetorical soliloquy of Alex Turner in 'Do I Wanna Know' is on another level. "I dreamt about you nearly every night this week" *blushing emoji*. 


‘Flower’ by Jehnny Beth

Coming in the same breath as Jehnny Beth and (long-time partner) Johnny Hostile's erotic book C.A.L.M., it's no surprise that the Savages frontwoman's first solo album got a blast sex. 'Flower' is a quasi-industrial bluster of uninhibited desire.

'Inside My Love' - Minnie Riperton

Delicate and insinuating, Minnie's angelic voice can't cover up the fact that this song is in fact very, very horny. "Two spirits greeting" is perhaps the neatest way to express full-on shagging, but the energy of the song is nevertheless filthy as hell.


'Shave 'Em Dry II' - Lucille Bogan

An orgy of dirty lyricism using remarkably modern slang, 'Shave 'Em Dry II' by 1930 blues singer Lucille Bogan is as smutty as it gets. 'WAP' could never.

‘I Just Want To Make Love To You’ by Etta James

The somewhat squelching sounds of the brass section in this absolute sexy classic add to the overall lustiness of the whole proceedings. 


‘Orgasm’ by Prince

It was hard to choose one from Prince's back catalogue for this piece, trust us, but the soft moanings and encouraging croonings of the man himself on this one are as on the nose as you can get. 


‘Slumber Party’ by Ashnikko

Bringing the word 'cunnilingus' to the youth via TikTok, Ashnikko's latest mega-hit in a mad string of them, 'Slumber Party' goes all in on sapphic pleasure and fantasy.


‘Vagina’ - cupcakKe

Used with reckless and joyful abandon in an extremely popular trend on TikTok in which rapper cupcakKe 'possesses' non-sexy tracks, this is a clear qualifier for the horniest songs ever committed to record.


‘Brown Sugar’ - D’Angelo

The sexual awakening for many an '80s-born kid, D'Angelo's seminal record Brown Sugar is piled high with gyrating melodies and sweet nothings. The title track though, says it best.


‘Je t’aime moi non plus’ - Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin

Scandalous for its time due to the heavy breathing Brigitte Bardot (and later Jane Birkin) got to doing, it's hard to imagine who could have complained about such a thoroughly hot song. The sound of Serge Gainsbourg's voice reading out Terms and Conditions would likely qualify for the list.

‘High For This’ - The Weeknd

With his debut album House of Balloons, The Weeknd quickly got horniness down to an exact art. The opening song to his 2011 full-length statement, The Weeknd may well now be one of the most-listened to stars in the world, but many of us remember him as the mysterious, weed-smoking horn dog he showed himself to be at the beginning of his career.


‘Pony’ - Ginuwine

An R&B classic and the blueprint for every male stripper's set-list.


‘WAP’ - Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion

'WAP' is many things: barrier-smashing, catchy as all hell, an instant classic. Could anyone argue that it deserves to go on this list also? 


‘Fuck The Pain Away’ - Peaches

Madonna reportedly listens to this song when she works out, and that by its very self could qualify this cult hit to the highest echelons of horny. Apart from that, its slightly agressive edge lends to a more urgent sense of randiness. 


‘all night’ - Marika Hackman

Teasingly languid in bpm and frank in its lyrics, Marika Hackman's 'all night' is a horny highlight from Any Human Friend — itself a thoroughly horny album. 

Photo: Press