You've done it, you survived Drownload. Download Festival may be over for another year, your clothes may be starting to dry and you've managed to remove all filth from your system, but now the real struggle begins. It's been a couple of days since your last beer, and while your hangover may be starting to disappear, you find yourself gripped by an entirely different affliction: The Post-Download Blues.
Modern medicine is still struggling to find a cure for this terrible disease. Rumour has it that scientists have just been getting monkeys drunk, pushing them in the mud and making them listen to 'Party Hard' by Andrew WK on loop.
The only real answer is to do it all again, but for now let us share in our suffering. These are the 23 surefire signs and symptoms that you're suffering from the post-Download Festival Blues.
1. You can now only show appreciation by starting circle pits. This does not go down well in work situations
2. You are addicted to pyro, feeling utterly at a loss unless something nearby is on fire
3. You are constantly gazing into the sky, baffled when a plane does not fly overhead every 30 seconds
4. You are repulsed by all fluids that are not warm Tuborg
5. You almost spoke to a stranger on the train, just because you thought they were wearing a Download wristband. The real world is not quite so friendly
6. You have forgotten how to walk on firm ground or concrete, knowing only the boggy marshes of Donington
7. You've spent so much time underwater, you may have evolved to grow gills. Congratulations, you're now part-aquatic
8. Seriously though, go see a doctor - you may have trenchfoot
9. You now wish you were in BABYMETAL after their life-changing main stage show, and feel absolutely no shame in knowing every single part of THAT dance
10. You were invited on a night out, but refuse to go because it doesn't look like this
Photo: Jen O'Neill
11. You find yourself prone to speaking German and fits of pyromania
Photo: Jenny Lyne
12. You will pee anywhere. The world is your toilet
13. You feel a strange affinity and affection for this man
14. ...but you worship only one God
15. You can't even contemplate the idea of going to work, as you might as well be going to the moon
16. Every time you *think* you hear the word 'Maiden', you scream back "YOU WERE NOT THERE, MAN - YOU DON'T KNOW"
Photo: Ross Silcocks
17. You see a blonde man in the distance, your instinct is to bellow "CHIIIII-NOOOOOO"
Photo: Adam Elmakias
18. You now consider this to be normal attire
19. You have never experienced a freedom quite like that of not having to wear your wellies today
20. Regardless of gender of sexual orientation, you're a little bit in love with this woman
Photo: Jen O'Neil
21. You do not realise it yet, but all of your Facebook friends and Instagram followers who were not at Download all despise you
22. You can only sleep to the distant sound of a double bass pedal
23. And when in doubt, you just throw the horns