LCD Soundsystem, Russian Lesbians and Orgasmuz - It's Singled Out!

Opening with a throbbing electro beat that should be so boring by now but somehow in this context, LCD Soundsystem’s ‘Tribulations’ manages to sound groundbreaking and fresh. Fusing a disco beat with a wacky guitar solo and a poppy 'Look how bothered I am' fashionista vocal, this isn’t even the best track on Mr James Murphy’s eponymous debut album but it still makes you glad you’re not your gran who would sit there tapping her knee with a dazed look trying to get into it wondering why she suddenly feels so old. Brilliant.

Remember the 60s when pop stars were called Suzy Lulu Bell and sang “risqué” songs about sucking lollipops? Well, these days they’re two fake lesbians in the form of t.A.T.u who claim they aren’t, who have a “special bond,” date girls and boys, have at least one child between them and wouldn’t perform at the MTV Europe awards because “We wanted real machine guns, but they wouldn’t give us.” The album’s probably rubbish and we’ll all be sick of this in about two days - but right now we’ve played ‘All About Us’ - a super sexy, overly dramatic, messed up, operatic pop stormer about nine times, and they have a bit that goes “Aaahhaahh” which is pretty damn nice.

Rivalling Arctic Monkeys for arguably the worst name in rock, Red Organ Serpent Sound aren’t off to too great a start with ‘In Search Of Orgasmuz’. But with a ‘Light My Fire’ Doors esque keyboard intro they cut an interesting guise; like The Sonics playing a gig with The Hives on Mars singing about ‘sleeping with a mongoose’ and something about an octopus. Unfortunately there’s not much that’s exciting or fresh about this apart from the fact that they’ve invented the word Orgasmuz. Nice but not great.

Of course we all know that Steve Mason, or King Biscuit Time as he now insists on being called, used to be in the mighty Beta Band so it’s no surprise that ‘C I Am 15’ this sounds pretty much exactly like his former band, only with an added dance hall vibe provided by Topcat. Throwing in a myriad of genres including dance, psychedelia, pop and electronic widdelly bits this simply comes across as a bit irritating, in fact to be honest this is just rubbish.

Exhibiting a fine line in haunting melancholy Gravenhurst’s new offering ‘The Velvet Cell' is not the most comfortable of listens. Themes of violence, hatred and self doubt swarm all over the hypnotic backbeat, “Now I’ve tasted hatred I want more” confesses front man Nick Talbot, before the song changes direction completely and the guitars and drums fade out to an unsettling silence. Emotional.
 
According to some industry sources, The Flies wont be releasing their album in “all good record stores”, “wont be playing live” and wont release it on cd. Great, man you guys are so wacky, it’s like you want to corrupt the system from the inside by like not playing to the rules man. Unfortunately you also need the music to back up your pretentious mission statement and ‘Walking On The Sand’ - a totally insipid release, is all moody beats and whispered vocals, and is utter crap.

Ah here comes The Go! Team with the absolute beauty that is ‘Bottle Rocket’, sounding like The Avalanches putting on a party for the Beastie Boys and Groove Armada, all crashing drums, cymbals and samples it’s an orgy of sound. A very close runner for single of the week if you can ignore the fact that it sounds like every other Go! Team song. 

Chad Kroeger has cut his hair; he now looks like a slightly shorter haired version of a musketeer. I wonder if, like Samson, he will now lose all his special powers and become a mortal human being, give up ‘the rock’ and become a bus driver. Hmmmm no, unfortunately with ‘Photograph’ Nickelback are still producing horrible rock for middle-aged Bryan Adams fans. This song is about reminiscing and there’s a bit where he says he was so nervous about his first kiss he almost missed - it’s that bad!

Milburn are to Arctic Monkeys what Embrace are to Oasis. Close, but no cigar. Of course this is still early days for them and the swaggering ‘Showroom’ still packs a hefty punch, with rampant teenage guitar riffs catching a ride on machine gun drums. However, you get the feeling they’re trying a little too hard. B-side ‘Storm in a Tea Cup’ is a more light-hearted and probably better ska tinged danceathon, however the shadow of the Arctics looms a little too large we’re afraid.

Are Simple Plan taking the piss? Really, do people actually buy into this shite? For those that find Good Charlotte a little too scary, on ‘Untitled’, Simple Plan feel your pain “Im fading away, I’m sick of this life, I just wanna scream, how could this happen to me” croons Pierre Bouvier (that’s his real name) over dramatic piano lines. It would be ok if Poor Pierre were fourteen but he’s about twenty-eight, I blame the parents.

Turkey of the Week: ‘Give It’ is a quite sickening offering from perhaps the most boring house act ever, X-press 2, sounds like one of those annoying backing tracks to some terrible educational program where the bullied kid at school stands up to his tormentors. An deadpan spoken word vocal from the usually brilliant Kurt Wagner of Lambchop fame talks about “Purity of Expression” while dance beats, trumpets and even a gospel choir attempt to uplift our souls. What’s worse is that the B-side contains a nine-minute re-mix – four minutes was more than enough thanks.

Best of the rest:

Infadels – 'Jagger 67'
This is great electro pop with stabs of jagged guitar offsetting the disco beat while the vocalist talks about Perspex skirts that sounds like LCD Soundsystem, fighting with The Audio Bullies.

Missy Elliott – 'Teary Eyed'
A more subdued soul influenced offering from the golden girl of hip hop which outlines her pain at the breakdown of a relationship, ok but Missy can do much better.

Benjamin Diamond – 'Out Of Myself'
A driving rhythm backs up the punchy guitars as Benjamin provides a sixties style vocal to this sparkling pop track which sounds like an android Beach Boys.

Death Cab For Cutie – 'Soul Meets Body'
Unashamedly indie this builds from a sweeping ethereal ballad to rock out towards the end. A beautiful single that fades away to a sombre climax.

Paul Weller – 'Come On Let’s Go'
Middle of the road rock and roll, in which Weller delivers his trademark mod vocals over standard guitar lines. So forgettable it makes you wonder why he bothered really.