Dogs, Pigs And Cuckoos!

Ah, the single format! How we shall miss you when you are gone. According to today's edition of everyone's favourite self-contradictory rag The Mirror, that eventuality shouldn't be too far into the future. Good heavens! Quick, kids, let's get those singles out while we can! And let's make them GOOD! With this rallying call in mind, Glasgow's nu-pop tykes Dogs Die In Hot Cars' 'Man Bites Man EP' is the first record we pull out of the pile, and it almost rises to the challenge. It sounds like post-Space indie kids doing their very best to recreate the finer moments of Duran Duran. A bold attempt, but somewhere along the line, they've forgetten to include a memorable chorus. Bugger. Next!

Surely NYC awkward bastards The Rapture can raise spirits with their groovadelic dance-rock? New single 'Love Is All', re-recorded with Steve Lillywhite, is a catchy but forgettable slab of saccharine indie-pop which fails to live up to the high standard they've set for themselves with the wonderful acid-tronica of 'House Of Jealous Lovers'. Naturally, this is a great shame, especially given the presence of 'I Need Your Love' on the B-side. It's a classic example of a band unable to recognise exactly where their talents lie, as they suit being a moody retro-futurist live act in the 'Trainspotting' soundtrack mould much, much better then they do this jaunty rinky-dink bollocks.

Speaking of rinky-dink, here's everyone's favourite twee-folk Nick Drake rip-offs Belle & Sebastian with their offering, the characteristically-titled 'I'm A Cuckoo'. But wait…something's different. New producer Trevor Horn seems to have moulded them into an infinitely-improved soul-pop outfit, and formerly lisping vocalist Stuart Murdoch even seems to be (gasp) enjoying himself. "But…how?!?!?" we hear you cry, and in all honesty we're as baffled as you. But instead of questioning, perhaps we should just accept their rebirth as a miracle of modern pop. Stranger things may happen yet.

Besides, we have yet to plough the furrows of Shifty Disco's new pretenders The Unisex. Despite a great name, and a bonkers-sounding single in the form of 'Pigs & Their Farms', they reveal themselves to be nothing short of average sub-baggy yawnsome pub rock. With the addition of a slightly miserablist slant on things, it's difficult to see them as anything but a less-good Mansun, and that's the last thing we'd wish on anyone. And where's the sodding chorus?

Former NAM veterans (and that's as in the 'New Acoustic Movement' of 2000, rather than anything exciting, pop fans!) I Am Kloot demonstrate that there's more to their repertoire than a rubbish name and some vaguely dull records - 'From Your Favourite Sky' is a short, minimalist ballad that sounds somewhere inbetween 'Morning Glory'-era Oasis and, unsurprisingly, John Lennon at his most reflective, and is consequently pretty good. As downbeat and affecting as northern rock is likely to get, in that it may make you want to read Nick Hornby and listen to The Smiths a bit more. Although not too much.

It's high time we visited the world of rock, however, and Engerica's new release 'The Smell' is the best introduction we could have asked for. OK, it's the sort of riff-driven metal-lite that even Billy Corgan isn't interested in any more, and that's a pretty bad name for a single to boot. But even so, it's quite exciting, and definitely the sort of thing you can imagine recreating 'Wayne's World' moments to in your car. It's kinda like System Of A Down without the kerrr-azy ideas - with proper songs, in other words. We could point out that b-side 'Reasons To Be Fearful' is a note-for-note rip-off of an early Idlewild B-side, but hey, we're not that geeky…

In any case, they're still a million times better than the woeful shoegazing drivel pumped out by Oceansize. They may see themselves as a kaleidoscopic criss-cross of post-rock soundscapes, but 'Catalyst' actually sounds like the missing link between early Smashing Pumpkins and the Doves, by which we basically mean shit. It's absolutely interminable and Gigwise feels like we've lived through another ice age before the bastard thing finally ends. No more of this sort of thing, please. For the good of all mankind.

Give us the anthemic likes of extremo torch-bearers Funeral For A Friend any day. Even better than the wonderful 'Juneau', the five-piece have even manage to produce a storming chorus and some awe-inspiring fists-aloft riff-work to show just why they're Iron Maiden's new favourite band. When the coda to 'Escape Artists Never Die' kicks in, it's obvious that they're one of the few bands from the post-hardcore generation with any real chance of survival when the backlash begins. Plus, the nice people at the PR company have sent us copies of both the CD and the DVD, so we can inform you that the video's pretty entertaining too.

As we approach the bottom of the pile, we reach the enigmatic quartet known as Razorlight. Frontman Johnny Borrell may well be an exceptionally gifted songwriter, as well as the best self-mythologiser since Noel Gallagher's heyday, but there's no escaping the fact that this still sounds like substandard Libertines. We'd love to find a special place for our hearts for a wonderful character like Borrell, and 'Stumble And Fall' is a perfectly serviceable Brit-brat garage pop song, but without the romance of Pete'n'Carlos, it all seems somehow inferior. Whether there's room for both bands to exist, we'll have to wait and see.

Since we're now at the end of a disappointingly hard slog at the singles this week, it's a relief that the final record in the pile should be the beautiful comedown trip-folk of Azure Ray. 'New Resolution' is one of the few highlights from their admittedly disappointing latest album, but it'll still break your heart, in a quietly epic way, nonetheless. A superb remix by indier-than-thou robots The Postal Service only serves to illustrate both the band's potential and the awesome power of the single format. Now if only we could get rubbish bands to stop abusing it before it's too late…