Loads and loads of singles reviewed

Here’s a way to judge just how cool a band name is: check the amount of consonant letters that are in that band name. If the name is made up of mostly consonants, honestly, they’re going to be noticed, they’re going to be big. Look at Coldplay – there’s only two vowels in that name, naturally, they’re one of the biggest bands in the world. The same goes for Rolling Stones, Limp Bizkit and er, Matchbox Twenty. So that’s why Razorlight, with a full seven (count ‘em) consonants in a name that already includes one of the coolest words – razor – will be huge. And their first single ‘Rip It Up’, a stringent romp that out-strokes the Strokes and sits neatly as a classier blood-cousin to the Libertines isn’t too bad either.

Moving on to another ‘band on the up’, Ludes sound like a right bunch of blues-skank reprobates; ‘She Was Just A Girl’ is a deafening mash-up of the Zutons and White Stripes, all gorging various amounts of dark substances supplied by Kevin Rowland. Ludes, alludes to: incredible live sets.

We’re told it’s a ‘Bland Band Boogie’ from SchwaB – don’t let the title fool you – this is primal, screamadelic stuff. This is what the Datsuns would be if they weren’t such cock-rock widdling degenerates. Stoogey, Zeppy and Spencer Davis all rolled into one fine groove.

Virginia-born Erin McKeown brings out that classic Deep South banjo to tell us we are ‘Born To Hum’ – she does this is in such a floaty and ‘charming’ way that it’s really difficult to let her know that that we were actually born to throw this tune in the bin. Added to this, the ‘Deliverance’ banjo association pervades into the mind in such a terrible, terrible way.

Apparently, Eastern Lane write, practice and record in a drafty farm shed in Berwick-upon-Tweed. Well, full marks straight away for perseverance of ‘the dream’ – would you catch the Coopers putting up with such environments? The band obviously get through this labour by feeding certain addictions, just as they urge you to ‘Feed Your Addiction’ with a heartfelt Anglo-Pixies melody. Keep chasing the dream lads: the dream of a heater perhaps.

Good God, he really is ‘Jus A Rascal’ that young man Dizzee Rascal is he not? I’m sure the little rogue didn’t mean to sour a piece of Mrs Levison’s Golden Wedding cake when he was there helping her with her groceries and fixing her Stannah stair-lift? He’s round there two or three days a week don’t you know? All this ‘street’ scamp image and curiously exhilarating tunes are really a front to a polite, conscientious young man…

 …And here is again, helping out those other nice young men ‘Basement Jaxx’ with their er, basement music. This time though, to better fruition, because ‘Lucky Star’ is an absolute romper-stomper of a tune, full of dangerous flips, samples, mystique, funk and usual Jaxx party-time. The Rascal’s rapping also slots nicely alongside.

‘Baby, he had toothache, he started crying, it sounded like an earthquake.’ Some more terrific, pulsating madness from the ‘siblings’ White (The White Stripes); a progressive evolution of their deconstructive blues that sounds like nothing else on earth, and while Jack realises that the third button down on his tight red pants really is the ‘Hardest Button To Button’ of all devil-cursed buttons, we listen, utterly spellbound.

Clearlake, meanwhile, ‘Can’t Feel A Thing’, and despite having a name that sounds dangerously close to ‘Stillwater’, they come out with a pretty solid Bluresque track. It’s ’97 all over again.

Now this is swagger-filled stuff from The Blueskins (Magic Road EP) – think Robert Plant at 19 fronting the Libertines – raucous, thrilling and most likely to give you a heart attack from the sheer speed of it. Don’t, whatever you do, think of Bluetones though.

Oh yes – strut your bad self on the dance-floor you snot-nosed punk – The Rapture are here to confuse your musical world with ‘Sister Saviour.’ “Am I punk, or am I funk? Shit, I’m both! Clear the way, I’m coming through!”

Which mixes superbly into the gratuitous pop techno-funk of new French dance artist Dondolo’s ‘Peng/Socket Error’, but hang on…

…It appears that ‘the wait is over! Jane’s Addiction are back!’ So who exactly invited them back? How is the sub-nu-metal camped-up dirge-a-thon of ‘True Nature’ relevant? Who actually likes this band, for that matter, who actually likes Perry Farrell? Is there anything more cringe-worthy than a frontman that’s just too self-consciously flamboyant?

Now flamboyance is something that Belle and Sebastian would not be able to do even if their lives depended on it. ‘Step Into My Office, Baby’ is a surprisingly jaunty narrative of female-boss seduction, which sounds not too far away from SFA’s ‘Golden Retriever’. See? You don’t have to wear a peacock on your head to make good tunes.

Leading to further understatement from Snap Ant, ‘Execute The Ping EP’ melds scuzzy low-fi ambience into cool Warp-like sensibilities…

…While Muse get unreservedly hysterical with ‘Hysteria’, a blistering soul-shredder with more rock than the Materhorn. Yet not in a Perry Farrell kind of way.