Saturday 22/07/06 Day 1 @ Lovebox Weekender, Victoria Park, London

It’s raining – how predictable. After a week of Saharan temperatures and red tans that only the British do so well, the weekend arrives with the Lovebox festival and the weather goes back to normal. Actually, enough moaning; it’s hardly a Glastonbury mud bath and bin bag chic rapidly moves from the catwalk to Victoria Park.

On the main stage at 2.00pm to play in front of 15 excited people is Cut Copy showing us their camp brand of electronica indie where the Pet Shop Boys and New Order had a fight which Neil Tennant improbably won. Gigwise isn’t too impressed, there don’t appear to be any tunes, so goes on a fact-finding tour of the site. The wig-warm dance stage “SecretSundaze” is proving very popular, but we did enough sweating on the tube and isn’t ready to reopen the pores just yet. This is billed as London’s independent music festival…sponsored by Volvic. “Volvanicity! Have some foul tasting water tainted with chemical peach flavour!” Don’t mind if we do, eeerrrrggggghhh, give me my beer back.

Over in the Up all Night tent, last act 9.45 pm, The Swings play their 2.30 slot in front of at least 25 people but this tent is tiny so there’s some atmosphere. How’s Stringfellow got in this band as a bassist? Give me some gimmicky pop you aging lothario. Actually don’t coz it’s not very good and the percussionist is annoying – stop looking so smug, you’re only shaking a maraca. What’s that? You’ve got a grade 8 in it? Congratulations.

Back on the main stage, over excitable Mexican guitar duo Rodrigo Y Gabriela are holding forth. The first really popular set of the afternoon with great plucking (s****, s****). Johnny Borrell might wank over himself regularly but if he tried playing the guitar this fast his hand would snap off. This is flamenco on speed. Not natural Gigwise territory but pretty enjoyable. Expect Radio 2 to discover them soon. The rain has cleared, and the first profound question of the day enters Gigwise’s head: How have the fashionista’s replaced all their make-up already?
After the crowd have stopped pogoing up and down to flamenco guitar, soul diva Candi Staton comes on stage. Can’t say she looks her 66 years. Of course, there’s only one song that the crowd really wanna hear (although Young Hearts run Free is second). As You got the Love kicks in, the first stampede of the afternoon occurs as Gigwise decides to move off to a different area. Recovering from a Simba-esque brush with death, Gigwise safely makes it out.

Where the **** are The Deadbeats? The Up all night tent is empty. Godammit. Some intrepid investigation later, the cause of the problem is that singer apart, the rest of the band are stuck on the M1. The singer is the guy in the corner with his head in his hands. Bereft of any Dead Beats, Gigwise finds itself watching a widely popular Gilles Peterson jazz funk set in the glamorous Brownswood arena. The fashionistas are on the third make-up application of the day and have started putting things up their nose.

Hot Chip get a big audience for their synth led melancholic dance, singing-the-words-in-staccato-coz-I-didn’t-like-Metallica-at-school style. They started off playing with each other (not like that) in their bedrooms and they do look very excited to be playing their Rolands. The big keyboardist dances like a fat man having sex; “Do the Prescott, Do the Prescott, oh yeah check me out, hips forward and back, forward and back”. The rest of the band edge away during the set frightened that he might get carried away. Unfortunately they can’t get too far because they would run out of synths, “Put another one on the end, I’m still in danger!” The singles are great, 'Over and Over' has everyone doing the Prescott, but their voices aren’t their strongpoint and sound weedy on such a big stage. A 5 out of 10, but watch them inside and it would be better.

On the way to somewhere else, we get distracted by a plaintive song emanating from the Xbox Lost and Sound Area. “Everyone’s addicted to cocaine…because it makes you **** for longer”. Quite. This is Emmy the Great playing a popular acoustic set. Following on is a song about Myspace. 'You look much fitter on your Myspace page than you do in real life'. Jesus, where has this guy been all our lives. Finally all the thoughts I couldn’t express in words.

Back in the old haunt of the Up all Night tent, Thomas Truax picks up an old brass record player speaker. What’s he gonna do with it? Stick his head in it: alright, Gigwise wasn’t expecting that. Linked into a microphone, he then loops his singing and tapping noises into the song Nick Cave might have written if he was more into DIY. Just the kind of weird experience you need at a festival.  A man with hands sewn all over his costume, perhaps being a caterpillar, is dancing on stage during Misty’s Big Adventure. Will his blue make-up remain until the end of the set? He needs a resident fashionista to ensure that. “It’s time to get psychedelic,” says frontman Grandmaster Gareth is his deapan lounge style. After eating our metaphorical ‘shrooms, we’re treated to a song about two brains. This band are awesome; misanthropic lead singer, blue dancer, hot trumpet player. It’s enough to make the usually reticent Gigwise join the happy clappy brigade at the front.

To finish are festival overlords, Groove Armada. You’re not gonna hear any new material in a Kid A direction but it’s not the worst back catalogue to rely on. Now firmly in a good mood, Gigwise happily ends the night practising his new favourite dance, The Prescott, to 'Superstylin’.