Gay For Johnny Depp - ‘Blood The Natural Lubricant’ (Captains Of Industry) Released 19/09/05

Trickery hangs in the noose…. At the start the momentary sound of Nina Simone’s introduction of 'My baby don’t care' lulls one ever so briefly into a false of security. No, it is not an example of classical jazz, but rather a rendition of GFJD’s ‘Hey Sailor!’ The jolly jazzy (with piano and finger clicks) little tune, asking the sailor, at first quite sweetly, who he’s blowing. After a grand 20 seconds the crew becomes increasingly aggravated (presumably he blows and doesn’t tell) and yell the particularly curt question repeatedly regressing to dirty minded youths hanging out at the local Port in their salty, sweaty PVC outfits. Naturally, the short lullaby turns to a series of “heys” to “**** you! I wanna **** you! **** you! I wanna **** you!” There’s an impressive 20 seconds left before the remaining 14 minutes and 21 seconds of the Ep. And it follows as swiftly as a Caribbean pirate to the water, in the same spirit with a series of…..

“**** you, I want to **** you (Johnny)” for ‘No Teeth Thumbs up.’ Electric guitars and manic sheep beater drums lovingly caress the throat grating screams, fully backing up the honorable heart of the clatter. ‘Sex in Your Mouth,’ is a petite piece keen to the cause of “suffer, so the pink can inherit the world”. Very impotent point. ‘There’s Nothing Worse Than A Whining Boy’ (excellent title) will cum forthwith and furiously into your eager ears with more jutting yet rhythmic noise, only it’s about ****ing the enemy this time. 'Shh, Put The Shiv To My Throat' - don’t miss the DVD whose only mistake among the blood drenched activities, was hiring a pretty blonde instead of the delightful Depp - screams of beholding “the sound of revolution” WAAAAAAH.

The finale ****off, “end of the world”, of this 15 minute epitaph’s ‘****ing Isn’t Cheating’. Damn right. The moral of the album is that as “this is johnny’s world” in the Universe of punk you’d better be doing it all Johnny’s way, including going gay. Finally the guys are getting it: Johnny’s good for everyone, including the wanna be deaf and the gonna be dumb-founded. Lost for words? The guys have kindly scratched them all out on the inlay. How thoughtful.