Why no one ever burnt the crappy MDF ladder that led to ‘Alisha’s Attic’, is no ‘Little Wonder.’ I’m gonna try to explain. Unfortunately shit music sells. What’s especially infuriating in listening to this particular kind of shit is that you know when it gets in the charts and starts to seep out of the radios you’re trying to avoid; you’ll eventually be singing along with the worst of them.
Yes, it’s just another average day to be had with a junky feisty folky-indie sweetie-pop fan, which is perfectly acceptable, if you preference is annoyance over entertainment. It’s like Natalie Imbruglia and Jewel joined at the hip, interpretation of pop folk AKA who gives a **** about yer ****ing whining against the jolly tambourine background on ‘Lost in You’. And we mustn’t forget to lose ourselves with the ‘Lose Yourself’ medium-weight metal guitar riffage/ essence of Robert Plant, but without the talent.
‘Totally Underwater’ is one for those that travel for the sole purpose of swimming in the ocean of other cultures’ music, but unfortunately drowns, and by further misfortune survives by throwing it all up whilst in a recording studio. Alas! Musical wisdom is lost in, on, and around Shelly. The album should come with a warning referring to the assaults of live percussion-Middle Eastern alloy off rips, which may cause you to insert several cotton buds into your bleeding ear canals. ‘If You Will Be Pilot,’ (unfortunately not the last track) burns the last straw by hands that blandly beat the drum.
It’s no surprise to learn Shelley’s written for the likes of S Club 7s’Rachel Stevens and Hell’s ‘Atomic Kitten’. Like Gigwise says, it sells. The moral of this review is: If you’re having a bad time and want to listen to some slop pop, why not just nick your deaf little sister’s Alanis Morrisette exact same album series, even she’s sick of her recycled emotional waste now. 2005 may hold a ‘Hard time for the Dreamer,’ but let us please consider the poor listener next time.
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