Test Icicles - 'For Screening Purposes Only' (Domino) 31/10/05

Test Icicles are in the same instance a nightmare and a dream to review. Creating indefinable, genre bending, beat mashing sounds that are completely brilliant at almost every turn like The Unicorns on some sort of high octane sugar rush. Approximately one third of the way into ‘For Screening Purposes Only’ majority share frontman Sam Merran screams in his east coast nasal drawl “We could do with some more noises!” - ****ing hell with a debut album that can only be described as a hip hop-extremo/screamo-metal-gonzo punk-electro 52 minute speaker destroying noise clash under their belts; these boys are some serious greedy bastards!

‘For Screening Purposes Only’ is barely a second old before crunching, jutting metallic guitars and yelping vocals are ripping holes in your ear drums on ‘Your Biggest Mistake’. They are then set up for a final assault by a demonic synth interlude before destroying your hearing forever. ‘Pull The Lever’ cranks up incessant drum beats while interspersing them with a chorus that sees the Icicles at one of their more melodic stages on this album. We’re are given a breather on a 50 second interlude but only to prepare us for the frontal lobotomy to come.

The singles ‘Boa Vs Python’ and ‘Circle. Square. Triangle’ follow, the first throwing itself around the room like a sonic rag doll before crashing and burning into a wall of screams, the second kicking out pulsating guitar thrusts, effortlessly cool beats and a bit of playschool shouty rap just for good measure. We are then blow apart limb from limb by what can only described as the sound of the devil shredding strings and vocal chords on ‘Catch It’ before that to descends into more dark electronica. Test Icicles say this song is a joke, more like a pact with Beelzebub say Gigwise.

‘Maintain The Focus’ is probably the least impressive song on the album, rehashing most of what has gone before but still most new bands would kill for it with its chugging Iron Maiden style riff. Then finally on ‘Snowball’ things start to slow down with its vocal harmonies (Well, kind of screeching harmonies really) and down and dirty retro rock n roll lick. But don’t for one second think you’ve been let of the hook for ‘What’s Your Damage?’ returns us to another four minutes of lurching in every direction, wailing as we go with the energy of about 50 kids who’ve forgotten to take their ADD medication. If you can keep your feet still while ‘All You Need Is Blood’ jives through its ceaseless, angular lunges with metal leanings they must be made of lead. ‘Sharks’ repeats the dose of dance floor destroying beats ten fold. We are then entertained with two minutes of absurd 80s Matchbox style quirk-punk with added other worldly baritone vocals on 'Dancing on Pegs' before the album closes in a crescendo of more pounding drums and million mile an hour guitars on ‘Party On Dudes (Get Hype)’.

‘For Screening Purposes’ is a shambolic miss-mash of an album which barely stands still for more than a millisecond and that’s why its so good. It is now, where people are fickle and only trends last long enough to barely ever exist, where everyone moves at ridiculous speeds without letting up and where kids consume everything they see and regurgitate it with their own little spin. Not only that its the most fun you can have in a 50 minute album this year. Otorhynolaryngologists beware - you’ll be getting a lot of patients in the next 6 months.