Featuring The Jonas Brothers, The Script and Tokio Hotel...
20. The Darkness - No, it wasn't a bad nightmare. Justin Hawkins, he of tight catsuits and rebellious teeth fame, really did headline the Reading and Leeds festivals with The Darkness. Essentially joke mock-rockers who benefited by a temporary loss of irony awareness, this band from Lowestoft pillaged the deepest atrocities of 80's hair metal and regurgitated them over a series of tongue in cheek songs like 'I Believe In A Thing Called Love' and 'Growing On Me'. Luckily the band have split now with Justin Hawkins going on to try various ventures such as entering Eurovision (Beaten by the car crash that was Scooch).
19. Sum 41 - Fronted by Deryck Whibley, the Canadian four piece achieved astonishing success this decade. We'll give it to them, their biggest smash 'In Too Deep' wasn't that bad, but the group have been ploughing the same one-dimensional furrow for far too long now. Then again, maybe Whibley's split with Avril Lavigne will inspire him to write some inspired songs of heartbreak? We very much doubt it!
18. The Pigeon Detectives - In 2001 we got The Strokes, an impossibly cool band from New York who wore their jackets tight and their hair unkempt. Following them we had a British version in The Libertines, a romantic and literate younger brother to The Strokes who gave the whole British music scene a kick up the backside. However with each progressive year, this blueprint became more and more diluted until we get to The Pigeon Detectives, essentially The Strokes do Emmerdale. The Leeds lads started out as a promising prospect but with repetitive songs, unintelligent lyrics and a tenancy to start wet t-shirt competitions at their gigs people soon began to rightfully dislike The Pigeon Detectives. They also have the worst band name of the decade to boot.
17. Maroon 5 - Initially this band seem inoffensive but over time their songs become so deeply ingrained in your memory that you begin to question whether you have ever even heard any other music. 'This Love' was the bands biggest hit alongside the vaguely creepy 'She Will Be Loved'. Despite being deeply boring, there is something particularly distasteful about Maroon 5 and their smooth pop aimed squarely at the girls who swoon over singer Adam Levine's good looks.
16. Hard-Fi - A 'proper' band who sing about real things like having no money, going out on a Friday night, soldiers in Afghanistan and Feltham Young Offenders Prison. They're so earnest and 'real' that they just come across as luddite's cashing in on a post-Streets world where talking about modern life in a non-patronising way is somehow worthwhile and interesting. The band's musical output is nothing compared to the album artwork however. Having cleverly adopted the CCTV sign seen everywhere for their first album the band went post structuralist on us in 2007 with the cover for 'Once Upon A Time In The West' which simply says in block capitals 'NO COVER ART'. They probably think it's very clever and sticking it to the man, we just think it makes them look lazy.
15. Razorlight - In fairness the hatred directed at Razorlight is not actually for the three members of the band not called Johnny Borrell is it? So let's apologise in advance to Bjorn, Carl and whoever is currently playing drums and keep the vitriol centralised. Johnny Borrell is possibly the biggest ego centric to walk the planet, pull on white skinny jeans and inflict complete bollocks like 'America' on us in a long long time. Okay, it was written by Andy Burrows, but we still can't forgive him. Anyone who appears to be striving to become the next Sting needs saving from us and indeed himself.
14. Theory Of A Deadman - Anyone who opens a song with the line “So sick of the hobos” and then chastises them for 'sitting around' while he has to work for money is a special kind of idiot. Theory of a Deadman's lead singer Tyler Connelly is sort of like a slicker version of Nickelback's Chad Kroeger which is ironic given that the pair duetted on 'Hero' taken from the Spiderman soundtrack. The band's biggest hit came with the aforementioned 'Hate My Life' where Connelly rallies against (besides the homeless) his wife, his lack of money, his friends and not being able to sleep with young girls- honestly. A grubby little band who don't deserve 1% of their success.
13. I Set My Friends On Fire - This pair of electro-emo tits released their first album in 2008 entitled 'You Can't Spell Slaughter Without Laughter' which includes the single 'Things That Rhyme With Orange'. If you still need us to explain why this band are awful with that information in your brain then the chances are you might just be stupid enough to enjoy their dreadful music.
12. The Twang - The Brummie Baggie revivalists infected the music scene towards the latter end of the decade with a tedious mix of beery lad anthems and gushing sentiment. Sitting somewhere between The Streets and Ocean Colour Scene, The Twang were hailed as the next big thing by the NME upon their emergence and topped numerous critics tips including a #2 spot in the influential BBC Sound of 2007 poll. Despite a short period of success things never really took off for the band and they are now cited as one of the reasons people grew so tired of guitar music. The term landfill-indie was made for a band like The Twang.
11. Hot Leg - A second appearance here for Justin Hawkins (formerly of The Darkness). After the demise of his first band, then releasing an awful cover of Sparks 'This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Two Of Us' and before going on to unsuccessfully audition for Eurovision in 2007. The final nail in the dodgy cock-rockers' career, however, was this atrocity Hot Leg. Another vaguely comedy hair metal band Hot Leg also incorporated glam rock into songs like 'Gay In The 80's' and 'Cocktails'. Need we go on?
10. One True Voice - Proof that reality TV pop stars are not invincible. One True Voice were the boy band created by Popstars: The Rivals. Their Pete Waterman created, insipid single 'Sacred Trust' failed to hit the number one spot and was pipped to the post by 'Sound Of The Underground' by their TV competitors Girls Aloud. A number two single on your first go is not bad though is it? What followed, however, was nothing short of disastrous. Just one more single was released in six months before band member Daniel Pearce quit the band leaving them no choice but to split the following day. Since their demise the members of One True Voice have failed to scale the heights of success and Daniel was recently seen failing to get to the final stages of this years X Factor in front of one time contemporary Cheryl Cole of Girls Aloud, now a multi-millionaire X Factor judge. Ouch.
9. Metro Station - What do you do if Billy Ray Cyrus is your Dad and tween sensation Miley Cyrus is your sister? Why you start a pop punk band who can't see past Fall Out Boy for influences of course! Trace Cyrus is the lead in this group of wannabe punks and his equine features gallop their way through everything Metro Station do. Famous purely through association the bands biggest hit is the catchy but infuriating 'Shake It'. Unlike his sister who would never do anything rebellious or naughty, Trace is covered in tattoos including the phrase 'Songs Of Victory' on his chest and a coffin on his throat. What a rebel.
8. The Script - OK, Mums need something to listen to - nobody wants to find their Radiohead CD's in the kitchen on a Sunday afternoon, but surely the women who brought us into this world deserve better than rubbish like The Script they are served?
7. Towers Of London - Well where to start? Probably the worst band musically of the decade this group of peroxide punks have gained notoriety for a series of publicity stunts. These include a fly on the wall TV show including totally not faked (raises eyebrows) scenes of the band fighting people in the streets and sending excrement to a writer who gave them a bad review. To further plummet any scrap of credibility the band might have had lead singer Donny Tourette (Real name: Pat) appeared on Celebrity Big Brother alongside Leo Sayer and Jermaine Jackson.
6. Busted – Incredibly, the 'orrible three piece sold a massive 3million albums in their four year career as well as scooping two BRIT Awards. If ever there proof that British pop music was in a dire state in the first half of the noughties then it's this. Across their three studio albums, James, Charlie and Matt inflicted such nightmarish songs as 'Year 3000', 'Air Hostess' and 'Thunderbirds' upon our poor ears. Worse, the band members went on to respectively spawn the equally turgid McFly, Son of Dork and Fightstar.
5. Scouting For Girls - What can we say about this band that hasn't already been said? Well how about they're the single worst, most soul-sapping, boring band of office workers ever to inflict their awful sub-Keane warblings on an already depressed nation's ears. Scouting For Girls write songs a child might make in a primary school music class. Simple to the point of insulting lyrics about Elvis, James Bond and 'lovely girls' sung by a bloke called Roy is not the musical vision of the future we were promised.
4. Tokio Hotel - Hugely popular in Europe, Tokio Hotel have yet to replicate their success in Britain or the USA. Perhaps this is down to a belief that a band from Germany could never be as good as one from New York or London. Or perhaps the reason nobody knows who Tokio Hotel are is that they are a painfully bad band aimed at the kind of people who find Good Charlotte too extreme. Don't even get us started on singer Bill's Native American headdress hair and his guitarist brother Tom who appears to dress in clothes an obese basketball player has given to him.
3. Blazin' Squad - Like the mutated spawn of East 17 this group of Essex chavs ransacked the charts earlier in the decade with their Burberry style brand of pop-hip-hop raps and commercial r'n'b choruses. The group hit number one with their first ever single, a cover of the Bone Thugs-N-Harmony hit 'Tha Crossroads' and went on to further success with 'Flip Reverse' in 2003. After earning enough money to keep them in Nike Air Max and McDonalds for the rest of time, the band split in 2005 much to the relief of the British public.
2. brokeNCYDE - Given their name which is meant to be play on words of 'Broken Inside', unsurprisingly brokeNCYDE are an emo band, but this isn't emo as we know it, oh no. Added to the mix is an unhealthy dose of 'crunk'- a highly processed and auto-tuned form of hip hop with added nauseating screams. By marrying the two genres, brokeNCDYDE hit upon a hidden level of rubbish, a bonus round of tawdry shit. Inexplicably popular, the band continue to break peoples ears and will to live the world over.
1. The Jonas Brothers - This Disney approved threesome provoke extreme anger amongst their haters for being so damn squeaky clean. The uber successful act are so clean cut they make Cliff Richard look like Marilyn Manson. Add to that their anodyne, soulless music and their eminently slappable faces and you begin to see why The Jonas Brothers are on this list. Nick, Joe and Kevin are met by hordes of screaming girls wherever they go, but they make us scream for altogether different reasons.