The Black Velvets - ‘The Black Velvets’ (Mercury) Released 12/09/05

 

It would be the easiest thing in the world to jump on the bandwagon of mockery currently following Liverpool rockers The Black Velvets, but that would hardly be fair, would it?  Let’s face it, much of the criticism levelled at these four hard-working musicians revolves around their choice of image – criticism that can be put into perspective by the music media’s obsession with ‘stylish’ bands like The Killers, The Bravery, Franz Ferdinand et al.  In short, it’s a bandwagon that’s driven by hypocrites and running low on gas.  How good would it be if long-haired rock was to, well, fight back?

Listening to their debut, there’s no doubting that The Black Velvets can play.  In particular, vocalist Paul Cardon has a voice that could fill the stadiums they no doubt imagine themselves playing to as they shake their Mighty-Boosh style wigs frenziedly on Barfly stages.  But herein lies the problem – this collection of songs may well sound HUGE live, but on this flimsy piece of plastic they die horribly.  All the right moves are made – the defiant lyrics on opener ‘I Won’t Lie Down’, the heavyweight punch of an intro to single ‘Glamstar’, the melancholic piano coda of ‘Lady Lime’ (a particular breath of fresh air on this album) – but these all add to the predictability of the record as a whole.  As ‘Get On Your Life’ fades out and ‘Once In A While’ kicks in, it actually sounds as if the same song has been mistakenly pressed on to the album twice.  As glam/punk/rock hybrids go, this one is definitely more Velvet Revolver than Guns ‘n’ Roses.

Nor does the production of the album do these songs any favours – The Black Velvets’ sound relies way too much on bottom end, a fault that is exaggerated by the cloudy, turgid treatment it receives here.  If there was anything in these songs to catch the ear, it’s long since been buried under a sonic mudslide.  Things do pick up towards the end: ‘Save Me’ is probably the best track on offer and closer ‘You’re Not Giving It All’ is as good a Led Zep homage as you’ll hear.  But then, all too soon, it’s over: a relatively short 33 minutes with nowhere near enough ideas on show to save this album from being a dull disappointment.  And, with that, the skinny-tie brigade are able to breath a collective sigh of relief…