Saturday 09/10/04 The Ordinary Boys @ Carling Academy, Liverpool

Looks like it’s catching on then.  1000+ no-mark people watching a no-mark band like The Ordinary Boys.  It’s a real ****ing shame y’know, ‘cos they’re the kind of band most would love to love.  A lot of people do, but then they’re the same people who probably also spend their weekends licking windows… and walls too it would seem, as the insides of this place are dripping with the assembled morons’ gob.  Y’see us non-window lickers want a few more pennies for us pounds… sure, it’s all very well wearing tight Fred Perry’s, pork pie hats and going on about how much you love 2-Tone, Weller and The Smiths, but how about some substance?

They start well. Skanking on to the strains of top Madness tune ‘Nightboat to Cairo’, the band absolutely smash into ‘Maybe Someday’ and the effect is mindblowingly brilliant, with the crowd going crazy apeshit bonkers as a result.  Seriously, Gigwise has never seen a crowd this up for it.  Ever.  Anyway, it’s at this point that another genius theory on the Ordinary Boys totters into view in your correspondent’s head (it’s wearing high-heels, by the way -the idea, that is, not me, I’m wearing trainers, stripey ones if you must know).

So... the theory: SOMEWHERE IN THE ORDINARY BOYS IS AN EXTRAORDINARY BAND WAITING TRYING TO GET OUT.

See what I’ve done there? Genius.

So yeah, there is…’cos if you have the aforementioned blister-popping opener, ace tune ‘List Goes On’, ‘In The City’-pilfering Jam-a-thon ‘Week In Week Out’, ‘Over The Counter Culture’ and  latest ‘Seaside’, which comes complete with a seismic sing along chorus…then you’re onto a winner. BUT, and this is a big but: there’s also loads about them that’s painfully dull.  Lead singer Preston is one of ‘em.  Sure he’s a cutie-pie what with all his angular cheekbones ‘n’ everything, and seems dead pleased to be here – shown by frequent outbursts of  “Go men’tal!”, or “you’re men’tal!” – but then that’s about it. Subtlety is also a virtue which should be learnt, as too often an oafish wail is resorted to. Maybe the boy needs a nice healthy smack habit?

There's alsp some tunes so painfully dull that you have to stop yourself from lamping the bloke next to you out of pure frustration. Examples? See rest of set, too many to mention… key text – ‘In Awe of the Awful’.

Hopefully these are just growing pains, and the boys will learn that they don’t all have to play at the same time all the time by the next album.  Or maybe they won’t, and will simply carry on playing Music to the Morons, becoming the new Sham 69 along the way. It’s up to them.