The Valentine's Day Song Massacre

The Top Break-Up Songs:

15/ Clor – ‘Love and Pain’
Clor recognise that love goes hand in hand with pain – but they’re not getting too slushy about it. In no nonsense, straight-talking style Barry states: “I was in love but that was yesterday – now I’m in pain and it’s here to stay.” A no-frills lament that that will you get you on the dance floor – even if it doesn’t get you over your broken heart.

14/ The Magnetic Fields – ‘I Don't Want To Get Over You.’
Capable of reducing anyone to a weepy mess, it somehow never falls into base sentimentality; not to mention Merritt's dry, powerful, deep vocals and the simply stellar tune.

13/ REM - 'Everybody Hurts'
Up there as one of REM's most affecting moments, Stipe's fragile, cracked voice and emotive lyrics complete to a complete feeling of desolation. Heartbreaking stuff.

12/ The Cure - 'Boys Don't Cry'
Robert Smith, as ever, sharp as a scalpel dissecting love and rejection: 'I would tell you that I love you/If I thought that you would stay/But I know that it's no use for/you've already gone away'.  It’s clever, that!

11/ Richard Hawley – ‘Coles Corner’
Ever been stood up? "My loneliness hangs in the air," Hawley croons in a voice immersed in all the longing and disappointment of spoiled evening, whilst the track's mournful orchestral sweep just about guarantees it'll be pissing it down by the time the protagonist embarks on that lonesome walk home.

10/ Grandaddy – ‘Yeah Is What We Had’
The bearded lo-fi pioneers narrate an affecting tale of pure regret.  It doesn't need to be relevant to you. You'll cry anyway. Well, unless you’re a double hard bastard.

9/ Al Green – ‘How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?’
A song purely for when you just want to sob your guts out delivered with plenty of raw gusto from one of the greatest vocal talents.

8/ Tindersticks – ‘Tiny Tears’
Stuart Staples’ voice would break anyone’s heart if he was singing ‘Down in Margate’ but with the lyrics about lying in bed with someone knowing there's an ocean that’s opened up between you, it becomes a prime blubberfest. Sob

6/ Portishead – ‘Sour Times’
Eerie atmospherics and a typically tortured Beth Gibbons contribute to a feeling of loss and anguish: “Nobody loves me, it’s true, not like you do… Am I what am I, cos’ all I have left is a memory.” We don’t think she’ll get over it in too much of a hurry.

6/ Blur – ‘No Distance Left To Run’
Written during Damon Albarn’s most desolate hours, eventually you just have to acknowledge that there's no going back and that is the cruellest twist in this game called love.

5/ Spiritualized – ‘Broken Heart’ 
A song offering no hope, just a world-weary Jason Pierce contemplating a desolate existence. It features a string section Michael Nyman would reject for being too bleak. The sound of the total and utter pointlessness of it all.

4/ The Smiths – ‘I Know It's Over'
Simple, yet unfathomably melancholy and brooding it's the “Loud, loutish lover' bit that does it - the dig at his ex's new love that sums up the feeling of injustice. The “Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling down on my head”' refrain perfectly sums up the feeling of wanting the earth to swallow you up.

3/ Big Star- ‘Holocaust’ 
It may not directly be about a relationship break-up, but the metaphor ofa holocaust perfectly sums up those hyperbolised feelings youget when things go wrong.Alex Chilton chillingly sings: “You’re on your own… You're a wasted face / You're a sad-eyed lie / You're a holocaust.”

2/ Jeff Buckley – ‘Last Goodbye’
Because you never think there's going to be a last goodbye, a last kiss, a last anything, and when it does come it hits you like a freight train…. We defy you not to listen to this and cry like Gwyneth Paltrow on Oscar night.  “Kiss me out of desire, not consolation” he shrieks. Very affecting.

1/ Joy Division - 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'
Ian Curtis as the incorporation of a modern, tragic romantic. He sounds like a cool ****er, but you know that his hopeless love has him ripped apart inside. Together with Curtis' dark voice and the trademark cool Joy Division sound – it’s an irrefutable classic.


The Loner Anthems:

5/ Antony and the Johnsons – ‘Hope There’s Someone’
Echoing the haunting voice of Nina Simone, in complete desolation Antony laments for another half, fearing total isolation: “Hope there's someone / Who'll take care of me When I die… Hope there's someone / Who'll set my heart free / Nice to hold when I'm tired.” Astonishingly touching.

4/ The Smiths - 'Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me’
This spine-tinglingly sparse break up song comes courtesy of the masters of mope. With the loner personified Morrissey agonisingly delivering lines like "Last night I felt/Real arms around me/No hope, no harm/Just another false alarm," how could you fail to love with this band?

3/ Mother and the Addicts – ‘Own Sensation’
It’s a tribute to wanking, what more do you need? The wanking mantel would have gone to The Undertones’ ‘Teenage Kicks’, but they sadly changed the line “I want to hold it tight” to “I want to hold you tight.” Shame.

2/ Joy Division - Isolation
A bleak moment from the original kings of gloom delivered with rhythmic, cutting precision by Ian Curtis. Although not really about relationships, this would definitely hit a raw nerve with the eternal loner.

1/ Radiohead – ‘Creep’
The ultimate song in self-loathing, Thom Yorke ruefully blasts “I wish I was special, you’re so ****ing special, But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo” and genuinely means it. With that attitude you’re never going to find someone.

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